Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
