Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
