addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i would punch a child for taco bell
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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