I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
