Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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