Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
