We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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