Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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