is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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