I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
