What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
