see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
