Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love having hate sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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