So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
