we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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