I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
