he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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