We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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