somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
