Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
