look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
