I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
