i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
