just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
birth control should be required to get into college
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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