How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
