Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Small penises have feelings too.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
