I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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