i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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