Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
