the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
