I wish i was in the wii world.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
