On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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