i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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