I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
