You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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