rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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