Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
