Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
