what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think weed is turning my hair brown
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
