I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
