That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
