the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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