Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We smell like vodka and hangover
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