all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
