On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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