oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
