After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
