she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
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because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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