I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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