I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
