I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
