I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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