Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
