My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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