she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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