I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
