shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
