so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
