I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
