Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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