I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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