3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
