...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
