Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
